How Do I Save My Marriage From Divorce?

If you are reading this, I am guessing that you are probably in much the same situation that I was in a few years ago. Maybe you had a very loving marriage to start off with, maybe things were always a bit rocky; but, whatever the case, you can now see that things have gotten too far, and you can see your marriage coming to an end. If this is the case, I feel for you. I know what the inner turmoil you are experiencing feels like, because I’ve been there. I felt like there was very little that I could do to help things and I wondered how do I save my marriage from divorce if my husband doesn’t seem to be interested in keeping things going anymore.

How Do I Save My Marriage From Divorce If The Odds Are Stacked Against Me?

There are two things that you should know if you are wondering “How do I save my marriage from divorce?”. The first thing you should know is that nothing is impossible. Now matter how bad things get or how estranged you are from your husband or wife, you need to realize that sometimes the simplest thing can completely change the way your spouse feels about your… for the better!

The second thing you should know is that you don’t need to find out how to do things on your own. There are dozens of good relationship self-help books out there that can give you ideas about how to go about stopping divorce. But, if you really want to go straight to the point and get the BEST relationship advice, you should check out “The Magic of Making Up” by T.W. Jackson. This book was the key to stop my divorce and the reason that I would recommend it over any of the other books out there is simply because the writer (T.W.) has a lot more real life knowledge and experience than any of the other authors out there.

T.W. Jackson has helped more than 50 thousand people in 77 countries. His advice is down to earth and a little controversial. He’s not a psychologist or anything, and he says that he actually pisses off the “learned” relationship gurus because he can solve the same problem that would take them 6 months to solve in a few days, or at most a few weeks. He’s really a miracle worker when it comes to relationships, and the way he talks is so friendly and understanding. Here’s video of T.W. (or “T Dub”) talking about the first step to stopping a breakup.

This is just the first step to stopping a breakup and you can view the other short videos in the series >>HERE<<

Understanding What Was Wrong

After watching T Dub’s videos and reading The Magic of Making Up, I realized there were two vital mistakes that I was making in my marriage.

1.    I neglected taking care of myself, which I thought was just me being self-sacrificial. However, my lack of “upkeep” in favor of more family-centered responsibilities lowered my self esteem and even led to my husband feeling neglected.

2.    I told myself that I would DIE without him. This made me more “clingy” than affectionate, and this ended up pushing my husband away.

These two mistakes that I made lowered my value in my husband’s eyes. No one really wants to be with someone who is too clingy and doesn’t put any effort into the way they look. Men and women alike WANT to be proud of their partner and show them off. This doesn’t mean that you always have to spend 5 hours doing full hair and makeup every morning, but I realized that putting a little effort into looking nice for my husband would have made me feel a lot better about myself, and would have made him feel more appreciated and admired, as well.

Basically, what happened in our marriage is that we got too busy to show each other the little signs of affection that we used to when our relationship was still “new”. We didn’t flirt with each other or even say or “pleases” and “thank-you’s” like we should have been. This sapped the romance right out of our relationship, and even though we had a great kid, good friends and a stable financial situation, we were still both very unhappy. Nothing could make up for the little “niceties” that made our relationship strong in the beginning of our marriage.

How I Finally Turned Things Around

For any marriage to work, it needs to have both partners working to make it work. However, I couldn’t FORCE my husband to change anything or even try to change. It would have to be his idea. Anyone who has been married for any amount of time knows how futile it is to force your husband or wife to change something or do something through sheer force of YOUR will. Even when I had begged and pleaded and screamed at my husband to do something in the past, if he did it, I knew he was doing it begrudgingly. So I didn’t want to use the same useless tactic to stop my divorce; I didn’t want my husband to stay with me begrudgingly. I wanted that warm, wonderful marriage that we had in the beginning, and, by gosh, I was going to do my utmost to get it!

So what could I do? Well, I couldn’t change my husband… but I could change myself, and in doing so change his opinion of me. So, I did the easiest thing first: I worked on my appearance.

I took the advice in the Magic of Making Up, and I got my teeth whitened. This actually made a huge difference, and when I saw that I was improving it was easier to do the other things mentioned in the book like getting on a good exercise schedule and eating healthy.

I also treated myself to some nice new clothes (not “frazzled-working-mom” clothes either!) and I took an extra two minutes in the morning to put on mascara and a little lip gloss. These little changes not only changed the way that I looked for the better, they also made me FEEL better. I was healthier and looking at a better reflection in the mirror than I had in a long time, which had a wonderful psychological impact. I was more confident, and I felt for the first time since I was a teen that I could make it no matter what. I wouldn’t “die” if my husband left me. I would be sad, yes. But, I wouldn’t let it defeat me.

This mindset change is pivotal if you want to save your relationship, which is why T Dub puts so much emphasis on it in his book. It’s a fact of human nature that –

We always want what we don’t have.

So, by making my husband feel like I was so dependent on him by being clingy and needy, it actually made him feel like he didn’t want me anymore. We only fully appreciate something when it’s gone, which is why I took the next drastic step….

How Do I Save My Marriage From Divorce? – LEAVE!

Yes, this was very difficult to do. But, I was reassured by T Dub’s previous successes and so I gave it a try. I parted on a good note with my husband. I told him that I just needed a break from it all and that I would take our daughter to live at my sister’s house for a while. I wasn’t bitter or weepy while I said this. I just said it in the friendliest tone that I could manage. He agreed to this a little hesitantly and we parted ways.

During this time away, I didn’t go out of my way to contact him. I just set about improving myself and doing the best I could to really “get over” my husband. I knew I had to be strong, because my daughter was with me, and aside from not wanting her to be worried, I also didn’t want her to report back to dad that mom was a weepy mess. When he called to talk to her, I wanted her to be able to truthfully tell him that mommy was doing just great.

This quickly had the desired affect, and my husband started calling for ME instead of just calling to talk to our girl. When I heard him say the words “WE need to try to work this out..” I was doing my-happy dance inside, but I just said “Okay.” Still trying to play a little hard to get! Anyway, once he was trying to work things out, too, things quickly fell back into place since we were both doing our best and we were able to avert what would’ve been a family-splitting divorce.

So, if you are wondering “How do I save my marriage from divorce?” I really do suggest that you look up T Dub’s website and book. Your situation may not be exactly like mine, but I’m sure the many techniques and ideas in this book could be applicable no matter what your situation may be. If you are trying to find out how to save your marriage and get your husband or wife back, this book is definitely worth your time.